I'm Stressed

3 more papers to go.

Aww.

Monday it's time for History paper 2.

Haven't even opened the books yet.

How am I gonna finish studying in these 4 days?

I wonder.

Shit.

Time is running low.

I'm dying.

Like, seriously.

Pressure is sure on the rise.

:((

害怕

在这孤独寂静的夜晚，用手机看了别人的部落格，自然而然也想更新我的部落格了。

好久没用华文来写这部落格了。

也好久没写过华文作文了。

现在，我真的很怀念那时候。

以前写华文作文，我都大多写故事的。

故事可以自由发挥我的想像力，可以写多长都行。

不像其它的，只可以单靠知识死板的描写。

还记得以前作文总是可以得到很高分，也是老师所谓的小作家之一。

:P

当然，我也有想过到了中四不要拿华文科了，但因为老师发怒了，我也觉得还是继续比较好。

中六华文的作文没故事写了，字数要超过一千个，所以我放弃了。

从理科班转去了文科，觉得应该比理科容易，我也对理科毫无兴趣。

起初文科对我来说，还真的比理科容易。

考取的成绩也蛮不错的。

过后成绩都一直保持很好的程度。

同学们觉得我很聪明，老师对我的印象也不错。

从中一到中五，我都是在第一班，也从来没有过一科不及格。

所以，我认为，我一定要考到全班第一或第二名，不可以让别人认为我很笨。

我这个人就是输不起。

我爱面子，我不想别人看不起我。

可是，在九月的考试中，我的考试成绩一落千丈，让我对自己更没有了自信心。

我对我朋友说：“Fail就fail吧，反正我又没试过。”

虽然我口里这样说，但我心里还是还蛮在意自己会fail的。

朋友们都没什么读书，可是成绩比我的成绩好多了。

我虽然也没什么读书，可是绝对不会比我朋友读得少。

那次的失败，让我更质疑自己的能力。

难道我真的是很笨吗？

还是我根本就没有心再读书了，只想着做工？

可是朋友们都说他们也是读书不进脑，然而也考到了好成绩，而我却考到了那么糟糕的成绩。

我的资质真的有限？

我开始害怕，对自己也更没信心了。

没人知道我的感受。

没人会了解。

考STPM了。

我天天都处于害怕的情况中。

我真的很害怕我会在这个考试中不及格，不能上大学。

也怕自己的成绩会比同学们差很多，让人看不起。

我不想辜负家人对我的期望。

不想连对自己最后的那一份信心也失去了。

我还哭了。

家人都说我是神经病，叫我不要担心这么多。

我很怕他们对我是太有信心了。

他们不明白我的感受。

虽然我对学习抱着不怎么认真的态度，但我知道我还是一定要通过这次的STPM的。

我一定要在明年上大学，然后顺利地在几年内大学毕业。

我真的很担心自己会失败，担心得快要崩溃了。

Counting Down

17th of November 2011.

3 days more to STPM.

And 1 day more to MUET exam.

I'm resitting the exam.

Had to pay RM61 for that.

:(

Preparations for STPM?

I don't even know how I'm gonna sit for the exam.

I'm afraid now.

But I'm still not motivated much.

:S

It's been a week.

I haven't seen u for more than a week, if the one I saw in school last Thursday wasn't u.

I miss u somehow, even u don't know it.

:)

And let's wish all the Form 6-ers the best of luck in the coming STPM exam.

And to all the 6A2 2011's students, let's fight this war together and win it!

We can do it.

:D

Love

Wow.

So pretty.

I've fallen in love with u even before u were available.

Nice phone.

I wanna get u.

Very affordable price too.

Just perfect for me. :)

And I don't care how people say getting an Iphone or Blackberry is better nowadays.

That phones like these are kinda outdated.

I don't think these phones are outdated at all.

I just love this Xperia mini pro.

<3

Confession?

It's 2.26 a.m. now.

12th of November.

2 days after the last day of school.

I was studying but after a while I suddenly thought of u guys.

I thought of the moments we had in school.

And realized, those days aren't coming back anymore.

I won't experience those happy moments in school, with u guys, with the teachers anymore.

I hope God could give more time to us to spend together at school.

After exam, there is rarely a chance for us to be together anymore.

I used to hate school, but now I miss it so badly that I want to cry.

What if, after exam, we really lose touch with each other?

It's a cruel thing.

I know, some of u may not like me, or feel really disgusted or irritated of me, but I hope u all really enjoyed spending time with me as ur classmate.

I hope u all miss me.

Just like how I miss u all.

I hope our friendships never meet an end.

I hope u will think the same way too.

To those may be or may not haters of me, I really wish the things between us will really work out.

I, too, admit that there were many times I said bad things bout u behind ur back, to express my feelings after u made me angry or made me feel bad or so.

But, one thing I'm sure is that, no matter what happened between us, I still love u all as my friends, not enemy, but good friends.

I do not hate u or dislike( even though sometimes I did when u made me angry )u.

I wish u can treat me as a good friend of urs, just like how u treat my other good friends in class.

I have to confess here too, that, in the beginning, I did not like one of u guys.

But as time passed by, I began to change my mind bout u.

So, here I wish u can change ur mind bout me too.

And I hope we can be good friends.

I love u guys.

Hope u love me too.

:)

Thank You

7 years.

Gone.

I can't believe everything's over now.

No more high school life for me.

What awaiting me now is exam life.

Then, no more school shoes' days.

No more school uniform's days.

I wonder why time passed by so fast.

It's like I just entered Form 1 yesterday.

In these 7 years' time, many things happened.

I made new friends.

I lost my good friends.

I lost my teachers.

I had boyfriends.

I had my first kiss.

I was facing good times, bad times.

I grew fatter.

I argued with friends, teachers.

1 and a half years in Form 6 was quite fun for me.

Better than all the years before.

Everyday, we would make noise in our class.

People from other classes got annoyed.

But we just couldn't control our volume.

We were enjoying ourselves so much in the class.

We always complained bout some of the teachers.

We were rebellious.

We were being rude to our teachers.

We went out for lunch/dinner/drinks.

We always hoped that our teachers won't enter our class.

We ate in the class and got scolded by teachers.

We chit-chatted like there was no tomorrow.

We fought with each other.

Now, everything is over.

No more classes.

No more 'group discussions' in the class.

Everybody is looking forward to the exam.

Hoping to do well in it.

I will miss those wonderful moments.

I will miss those classes that we didn't like to attend.

I will miss the teachers.

There were many times I screwed my relationships with my classmates.

I regret for doing so.

Me too, hope that I'm a better person.

I wish to be a girl that guys will appreciate and not ashamed of being with.

I'm not a good person.

But I hope my classmates enjoyed the times we shared.

Thanks for your companion for these 1 and a half years.

I will miss you all.

Good luck in your exam and wish for the best in your life.

:)