The End of STPM

STPM has ended.

This is a good good news to the Form 6 students.

But I'm a lil worried bout my results.

So I had spent 7 years in high school.

Had my PMR and SPM exam.

And now, even STPM has ended.

Wow, time flew.

I have to admit that I had the best time in school during my last 2 years, when I was in Form 6.

The ones who made my Form 6's life beautiful were my classmates.

After STPM, it's really hard to say when will I meet them again.

Some I think I will surely be gonna meet them quite often, but some I just don't know.

I will miss them.

And I hope my Form 6 classmates and I will be friends forever.

Even though I don't quite believe that there are friends who will be friends forever.

But I hope our friendships will be an exception.

And I'm longing for a class party, hope we will make it.

:))

Today was... Boring...

Poh Yee and Pei Qing went to my house to swim yesterday straightly after the exam.

After swimming, we went to have our dinner.

I suggested to go to Taman Bukit Desa for Ramen and they agreed and seemed excited bout it.

But......

We got lost.

It turned out that i didn't really know the direction.

We almost went to Mid Valley.

And in the end, we came back to Kuchai Lama for dinner.

Oh snap.

We went to Pitstop Cafe.

And for the first time ever, I was really being honest with my friends.

Hope they won't look down on me based on what I have told them.

Bought a copy of December's Cleo issue on my way back home.

And today I read bout an interesting article.

On Cleo.

It entitled 'Are U A Negaholic?'

Well, after all, I would like to admit that I'm a negaholic.

I seem to be negative bout many things in life.

In the article, it stated that negaholism or negative thinking is really the underlying cause of all addictive and compulsive behaviour.

I guess I really have to change my thought of view in many aspects in life.

And stop being a pessimist.

Hope that article will really help me to be more optimistic.

:))

Unusual day?

STPM has almost come to an end.

Stressful weeks.

Try my best not to think bout the exam, and to enjoy more.

Next week, I'm gonna dye my hair straightly after exam is over!

:))

I knew from mom that u have a new girlfriend now.

She said she's quite big size.

Hope she's fatter than me.

:D

I remember when we were together, u always said that I'm fat.

U weren't really treating me like a girlfriend.

I wonder if anyone besides my family knew I was ur girlfriend that time.

U didn't want anybody to know that I was ur girlfriend.

It was a bad relationship.

Things didn't seem to work out between the both of us.

Maybe u weren't really into me.

Sometimes I will miss u, just like today.

Maybe because u are my ex.

I'm Stressed

3 more papers to go.

Aww.

Monday it's time for History paper 2.

Haven't even opened the books yet.

How am I gonna finish studying in these 4 days?

I wonder.

Shit.

Time is running low.

I'm dying.

Like, seriously.

Pressure is sure on the rise.

:((

害怕

在这孤独寂静的夜晚，用手机看了别人的部落格，自然而然也想更新我的部落格了。

好久没用华文来写这部落格了。

也好久没写过华文作文了。

现在，我真的很怀念那时候。

以前写华文作文，我都大多写故事的。

故事可以自由发挥我的想像力，可以写多长都行。

不像其它的，只可以单靠知识死板的描写。

还记得以前作文总是可以得到很高分，也是老师所谓的小作家之一。

:P

当然，我也有想过到了中四不要拿华文科了，但因为老师发怒了，我也觉得还是继续比较好。

中六华文的作文没故事写了，字数要超过一千个，所以我放弃了。

从理科班转去了文科，觉得应该比理科容易，我也对理科毫无兴趣。

起初文科对我来说，还真的比理科容易。

考取的成绩也蛮不错的。

过后成绩都一直保持很好的程度。

同学们觉得我很聪明，老师对我的印象也不错。

从中一到中五，我都是在第一班，也从来没有过一科不及格。

所以，我认为，我一定要考到全班第一或第二名，不可以让别人认为我很笨。

我这个人就是输不起。

我爱面子，我不想别人看不起我。

可是，在九月的考试中，我的考试成绩一落千丈，让我对自己更没有了自信心。

我对我朋友说：“Fail就fail吧，反正我又没试过。”

虽然我口里这样说，但我心里还是还蛮在意自己会fail的。

朋友们都没什么读书，可是成绩比我的成绩好多了。

我虽然也没什么读书，可是绝对不会比我朋友读得少。

那次的失败，让我更质疑自己的能力。

难道我真的是很笨吗？

还是我根本就没有心再读书了，只想着做工？

可是朋友们都说他们也是读书不进脑，然而也考到了好成绩，而我却考到了那么糟糕的成绩。

我的资质真的有限？

我开始害怕，对自己也更没信心了。

没人知道我的感受。

没人会了解。

考STPM了。

我天天都处于害怕的情况中。

我真的很害怕我会在这个考试中不及格，不能上大学。

也怕自己的成绩会比同学们差很多，让人看不起。

我不想辜负家人对我的期望。

不想连对自己最后的那一份信心也失去了。

我还哭了。

家人都说我是神经病，叫我不要担心这么多。

我很怕他们对我是太有信心了。

他们不明白我的感受。

虽然我对学习抱着不怎么认真的态度，但我知道我还是一定要通过这次的STPM的。

我一定要在明年上大学，然后顺利地在几年内大学毕业。

我真的很担心自己会失败，担心得快要崩溃了。

Counting Down

17th of November 2011.

3 days more to STPM.

And 1 day more to MUET exam.

I'm resitting the exam.

Had to pay RM61 for that.

:(

Preparations for STPM?

I don't even know how I'm gonna sit for the exam.

I'm afraid now.

But I'm still not motivated much.

:S

It's been a week.

I haven't seen u for more than a week, if the one I saw in school last Thursday wasn't u.

I miss u somehow, even u don't know it.

:)

And let's wish all the Form 6-ers the best of luck in the coming STPM exam.

And to all the 6A2 2011's students, let's fight this war together and win it!

We can do it.

:D

Love

Wow.

So pretty.

I've fallen in love with u even before u were available.

Nice phone.

I wanna get u.

Very affordable price too.

Just perfect for me. :)

And I don't care how people say getting an Iphone or Blackberry is better nowadays.

That phones like these are kinda outdated.

I don't think these phones are outdated at all.

I just love this Xperia mini pro.

<3

Confession?

It's 2.26 a.m. now.

12th of November.

2 days after the last day of school.

I was studying but after a while I suddenly thought of u guys.

I thought of the moments we had in school.

And realized, those days aren't coming back anymore.

I won't experience those happy moments in school, with u guys, with the teachers anymore.

I hope God could give more time to us to spend together at school.

After exam, there is rarely a chance for us to be together anymore.

I used to hate school, but now I miss it so badly that I want to cry.

What if, after exam, we really lose touch with each other?

It's a cruel thing.

I know, some of u may not like me, or feel really disgusted or irritated of me, but I hope u all really enjoyed spending time with me as ur classmate.

I hope u all miss me.

Just like how I miss u all.

I hope our friendships never meet an end.

I hope u will think the same way too.

To those may be or may not haters of me, I really wish the things between us will really work out.

I, too, admit that there were many times I said bad things bout u behind ur back, to express my feelings after u made me angry or made me feel bad or so.

But, one thing I'm sure is that, no matter what happened between us, I still love u all as my friends, not enemy, but good friends.

I do not hate u or dislike( even though sometimes I did when u made me angry )u.

I wish u can treat me as a good friend of urs, just like how u treat my other good friends in class.

I have to confess here too, that, in the beginning, I did not like one of u guys.

But as time passed by, I began to change my mind bout u.

So, here I wish u can change ur mind bout me too.

And I hope we can be good friends.

I love u guys.

Hope u love me too.

:)

Thank You

7 years.

Gone.

I can't believe everything's over now.

No more high school life for me.

What awaiting me now is exam life.

Then, no more school shoes' days.

No more school uniform's days.

I wonder why time passed by so fast.

It's like I just entered Form 1 yesterday.

In these 7 years' time, many things happened.

I made new friends.

I lost my good friends.

I lost my teachers.

I had boyfriends.

I had my first kiss.

I was facing good times, bad times.

I grew fatter.

I argued with friends, teachers.

1 and a half years in Form 6 was quite fun for me.

Better than all the years before.

Everyday, we would make noise in our class.

People from other classes got annoyed.

But we just couldn't control our volume.

We were enjoying ourselves so much in the class.

We always complained bout some of the teachers.

We were rebellious.

We were being rude to our teachers.

We went out for lunch/dinner/drinks.

We always hoped that our teachers won't enter our class.

We ate in the class and got scolded by teachers.

We chit-chatted like there was no tomorrow.

We fought with each other.

Now, everything is over.

No more classes.

No more 'group discussions' in the class.

Everybody is looking forward to the exam.

Hoping to do well in it.

I will miss those wonderful moments.

I will miss those classes that we didn't like to attend.

I will miss the teachers.

There were many times I screwed my relationships with my classmates.

I regret for doing so.

Me too, hope that I'm a better person.

I wish to be a girl that guys will appreciate and not ashamed of being with.

I'm not a good person.

But I hope my classmates enjoyed the times we shared.

Thanks for your companion for these 1 and a half years.

I will miss you all.

Good luck in your exam and wish for the best in your life.

:)

If there are options for me, I will choose not to grow up

Sheryl moved out again.

Alex came back, like finally.

Was so glad to hear that.

And now, normally, there will only be me, my parents and Ron Ron in the house.

All my sisters moved out.

There will be noises around with the presence of Ron Ron, though.

I remember my family used to be so united.

At that time, Ron Ron was not born yet.

My parents, my sisters and me were living together.

Rachel and Sheryl always fought with each other since young.

Now, don't think they still fight anymore.

They are real grown ups and live in different places.

Don't even have the chance to fight anymore.

I remember the days where my dad would bring us to have meals in McDonald's.

We, sisters, were really really young that time.

I always had Happy Meals that time.

Now, my dad doesn't eat McDonald's anymore, in which he thinks it is unhealthy to eat fast food.

We as a family, never eat McDonald's together now.

We are all grown ups, right?

I remember the times, when, the three of us, Rachel, Sheryl and me were too young to feel embarrassed.

We would take shower together and had fun.

I had had all these good times when I was younger.

Sad to say, I was not old enough to appreciate all those wonderful moments that time.

Now, they are still all here, but just inside my memory for me to recall.

Growing up is a necessary process.

I'm turning 20 soon.

Everybody is treating me like an adult.

I don't like my life in that way, seriously.

I'm not really ready to be a grown up yet.

I still like to be treated as a kid most of the time.

But what can I do?

All I can and should do is just to start being a grown up and learn to get used to the changes happening to my life.

Enough is Enough

To be frank, I'm really feeling tired.

I'm so sick of everything that is happening to me.

I'm so tired of facing everyday.

I wonder when will all these shits end.

A Long Sunday

Exam's over.

Getting results tomorrow.

Can u believe how fast time passes by?

STPM is in around 2 months' time.

It's gonna be here very soon.

I'm getting afraid.

I screwed my exam totally this time.

I'm scared to even go to the school tomorrow and get my fucking results.

:(

And I've been scolded by teacher for giving her rubbish essays for my MUET exam this time.

Sigh.....

Spent my day today with my family accompanying my sis see the house units in Hartamas and Damansara.

She's gonna move out again when her boyfriend is back.

Had a long day today.

Maybe going BBQ later in my big sis' house.

Currently addicted to Sims Social on Facebook.

Couldn't play The Sims 3 on my computer, I can still play Sims Social on Facebook.

Though The Sims 3 is much nicer.

I saw him that day.

But he didn't see me.

Guess, that's it.

I was too normal for him to even have a glance at.

:S

Life is Short

Got to know from Facebook that the auntie selling mix rice in my school canteen has passed away yesterday.

She fainted at school, was sent to the hospital but couldn't be recovered.

On Thursday I saw the auntie for the last time, I guess.

'Cause yesterday I didn't pay any attention to her.... or her stall.

When I passed by her stall I thought, is their business good? My friends complained about the same dishes they cook everyday. There are so much leftovers there, are they for the afternoon session's students? Are they going to leave now?

I think that was the first time ever that I paid so much attention to them.

And in all of a sudden, tragic thing happened.

Feel kinda sad.

Even though I didn't interact with her except for business purposes.

And maybe she was so insignificant to me when she was alive, it makes me feel sad for her death 'cause I didn't get a chance to know her more.

Rest in peace, auntie.

You will have a better life now.

I Don't Know What's Going On

In life, I worry about every single thing too much.

I am, perhaps, driving myself crazy.

I have to force myself to think not twice, but many times about something I said and I did.

I wish my life would be a lil easier or maybe I'm just making it complicated.

I'm Feeling HOT

Weather nowadays in Malaysia is really really freaking hot.

Moreover, there is no air-cond in my house.

Even after taking shower, I will be feeling hot very very soon.

Just finished cutting some vegetables for tomorrow Hari Koperasi.

Now, I'm all sweaty.

:O

Tomorrow will the annual Hari Koperasi.

My classmates and I will be setting up stall to sell hotdogs and lemon coke again.

I'm so so excited for it.

Today we went for a talk about Business Studies.

It was quite fun all the way there and back because we were driving our own car there.

5 of us went there with teacher's car and another 6 of us went there by Pei Qing's car.

After dropping off Pei Gin at the school, Pei Qing, Poh Yee, Wai Bin, Ronnie and I went to have our lunch at Jojo's Pan Mee.

Then, we dropped off Wai Bin at NSK and went all the way to Taman Sri Sentosa to buy our stuff for tomorrow's Hari Koperasi.

We went to Central later on to buy Coca-cola.

After that, only we went home.

Tomorrow will be a real hectic day for me.

After doing sales in the school, I have to rush to Wisma Genting for my training for this weekend.

And my salary for the previous weeks will only be paid out soonest in the mid of August as told by the guy just now.

OMG that's a hell long time to wait as now I'm really broke.

Pity me. :(

Let's hope I will survive till that time then.

I'm so so tired

Last day working at Tesco Puchong today.

I feel so tired right now! My feet are in pain state.

I had to use burning hot water to soothe the painful feeling when taking shower just now. :( Next week gonna be at Giant Bandar Kinrara.

A quite nice hypermarket.

Should I eat at Subway next Saturday?

I miss Subway's cookies! Yum yum.

And yeah, my supervisors this week were really superb nice.

They were so considerate towards me.

Hope next week's supervisor will be a nice one. :)

Had durian with my family after back home.

We bought it near my house from 2 Malay guys on our way back home.

RM 23 for 4 durians. Cheap. :)

Quite good quality too...

School again after a tiring weekend. :(

In around 3 and a half hours' time I'm gonna wake up. @.@

GOODNIGHT!

Quite A Peaceful Day

This weekend I'm at Tesco Puchong again working for Knorr's sampling project.

Last week the supervisor was kinda a fucked up one.

But this week's ones are much much better.

Most probably the best I've ever met.

There are alot of promoters this week.

Today I saw many promoters that I didn't see last week.

But most of them didn't seem to be real friendly.

But most of the promoters that I met before were friendly enough.

:)

The auntie that works in the same company as me really helped me alot.

Had McDonald's to reward myself for working today.

Tomorrow gonna eat at the food court to save money.

My feet feel so painful now.

This is what I get from standing all day long.

But never mind, it's ok.

I wanna earn more money.

:P

Tomorrow still have to work.

I'm gonna enjoy my work to the max tomorrow!

:D

And yeah, now I'm watching Beyond The Realm of Conscience after finished watching No Regrets and Ghetto Justice.

It's a lil old drama.

Like Tavia Yeung's role in the drama.

Really a good actress.

Play Time

Just got home from movie and yum cha sessions with my friends.

Yesterday, me and my sis went for the movie Green Lantern in Berjaya Times Square.

We went there at around 8.30 p.m.

The movie started at 9.10 p.m.

Still managed to reach in time.

We got free passes.

Unfortunately, we didn't go for the 3D's one 'cause the showtime would have been at 12 a.m.

It was quite a fun movie to watch.

Ryan Reynolds really does have a very good body.

And quite good looking too.

:)

Today, me and my classmates went to Desa Petaling to watch Treasure Inn.

It was a Cantonese comedy.

The movie started at 10.15 p.m.

Many people laughed during the movie.

I didn't enjoy the movie that much though.

I don't think it's my cup of tea.

I still like those Stephen Chow's movies.

And many other old comedies.

A new Cantonese comedy that I like would have been I Love Hong Kong.

I think it was funny.

But these are just my opinions.

Different people have different preferences.

Should stop typing now.

School's gonna start in 4 hours and 30 minutes' time.

Nitez.

I Think I Might Have Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Started off my day with an argument with my parents before going out for brunch.

After having brunch, went home.

Aaron came to my house only at around 6 p.m.

Went to Petaling Jaya for dinner after another argument.

We went to Kanna Curry House.

'Cause we like the food there.

Had a great dinner.

Went to Popular Bookstore in Jalan Klang Lama and bought a book.

I was looking for "For One More Day" by Mitch Albom.

But, they only had "Tuesdays With Morrie" which I have read before and "Have A Little Faith".

They also had two promotion sets in which each of them included "The Five People You Meet In Heaven", "Tuesdays With Morrie", "Have A Little Faith" and yes, "For One More Day".

And it only cost RM 99.95.

However, I have the other 2 books.

I just needed one book.

I asked the salesgirl who was not really friendly at all whether the promotion set can be unwrapped so that I can have my novel but she said no.

Of course the answer was no.

It was so silly of me to pop out the question.

In the end, I chose "Have A Little Faith".

It's a novel based on a true story.

It should be a very good novel.

Mitch Albom's books are very nice to read.

Inspiring and touching enough to make you cry.

Maybe I will have a little more faith in myself and others after reading this book.

:)

And yeah.

OCD came over my mind just now.

Imagine that your mind got stuck on a certain thought or image...

Then this thought or image got replayed in your mind over and over again no matter what you did…

You don’t want these thoughts – it feels like an avalanche…

Along with the thoughts come intense feelings of anxiety…

Anxiety is your brain’s warning system. When you feel anxious, it feels like you are in danger.

Anxiety is an emotion that tells you to respond, react, protect yourself, DO SOMETHING!

On the one hand, you might recognize that the fear doesn't make sense, doesn’t seem reasonable, yet it still feels very real, intense, and true…

This describes what it is like to have an OCD.

I got it from the Internet.

Wow, all these things seem so familiar to me.

I always feel like as what had been described.

This always leaves me in misery.

Thinking about a thing over and over again.

This is driving me crazy most of the time.

Yet, it is not getting any better.

Now, I think I have OCD.

=.=

What to do?

I have been like that ever since I was a child.

I Guess That Was A Meaningful Day

Started my day at school today feeling fucked up.

Then, it was time to start our selling activity.

We got quite good responses from the students.

Didn't expect that so many students came to school today.

Really unbelievable.

This time, we managed to taste the hot dogs that we were selling.

They felt so tasty.

We got more and more excited as the day went on.

We were glad to settle all the things.

Guess this would be our last time selling hot dogs and lemon Coke.

Sis will be at Johor working from today till tomorrow.

I wonder what can I do during this weekend.

I'm feeling really free.

Monday is a holiday for us too.

Swimming session with Poh Yee, Pei Gin and maybe Hasra later on at 4 p.m.

I'm feeling kinda tired now.

Maybe it's time for me to relax later on.

:)

Exhibition Day

Time flies without anyone noticing.

Last year, I just started my Form 6.

Now, I'm having my STPM in less than 5 months' time.

During this time last year, we were gonna have our annual Exhibition Day.

1 year just passed by like that, without a signal.

Tomorrow, we will be having our annual Exhibition Day already.

As I grow older, I realize that time passes by faster.

I hate growing up now.

I hate the fact that time is really intolerant towards us.

Now, back to the Exhibition Day.

Tomorrow my fellow classmates and I will be selling Hot Dogs and Lemon Coke.

The same things that we were selling during Exhibition Day last year.

I think one of the reasons why we are selling this again is that we enjoy the selling process of these two things.

Me and my friends gotta wake up early in the morning tomorrow.

4.30 a.m., perhaps.

The reason why I have to wake up so early is that I have to steam the sausages.

Around 80 sausages, I think.

That's a whole lot of sausages.

My mom will help me out with the sausages.

Even though this means that she will be doing 99 % of the job.

Or maybe she will only wake me up after she's finished steaming the sausages.

:P

Other jobs during the selling process will be arranged later.

I do hope that we will have a great time tomorrow.

'Cause this is the last year we are doing this.

Presentation

Tomorrow will be my R & D presentation day.

I'm so scared.

I'm gonna present it in front of schoolmates that I don't know.

I think the best way is not to look at them during the presentation.

And I hope not many people will attend my presentation.

It's after school tomorrow.

This thing is really getting on my nerves now.

Hope every fucking thing goes smooth tomorrow.

God please help me.....

I'm so afraid of failure tomorrow.

Even it's not really important, I wanna pass my next exam.

It's time to lose weight

Today I had a lot of fun with my friends in Taman Pertanian.

I have learnt to ride a bicycle!

Hooray!

Thanks to my classmates that trained me today, especially Zhen Hao and Ronnie.

LOL

But after seeing the pics I took there...

I was frightened.

Short, fat, round chubby face, short neck, flabby fat arms, super expanded waistline.

Well, all these are about me.

Years and years have passed.

I have gained much weight throughout the years.

I think it's really time for me to lose weight now.

I'm gonna turn 20 soon.

I heard people said that it's hard to lose weight after 20 years old.

And I'm 19!

I must begin my weight lost plan now by eating less.

Less carbs, less sugar, less meat.

That's what my mom told me.

These few years my mom and sis have been complaining about my body.

This is so depressing.

Aww. :(

I should really take some serious actions right now.

I can do it!

Just have to keep keeping faith to myself.

生活是多么的不美好

既然你那么讨厌我，当初就别生我下来受苦。

我又老了 :(

时间过得越来越快。

难道人越老，时间就会过得越快？

也许这没错。

新的学年开始了。

然而，我一点读书的冲劲也没有。

年尾就是大考了，我该怎么办？

过了这么久，我好像始终都没病好。

我到底怎么了？

头痛。

:(

明天又是星期五了。

一个星期又快过去了。

明天十二点放学，约好了沛晴和宝仪去Times Square逛街。

要买新年衣了。

希望可以去到。

好多次说出去都去不成。

好想出去散散心。